Address to the nation

In his address to the nation in US Congress, President Reagan stated that his administration will not cut down funding for the department of literature defence. Despite the critical situation of the US writing economy, this would be the wrong signal towards the evil empire of the Soviet Book Union. Contemporaneously, to overcome the recession […]

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June 4th, 2014 by Thomas Josef Wehlim

Blackmail

Today, Thomas Josef Wehlim (TJW) has been arrested by ABI (Author’s Bureau of Investigation). He is accused to have collected millions of author photos illegally from the Internet and other sources in order to blackmail writers in a few decades (e.g. “If you do not pay $100.000, I will show the world how ugly you have […]

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June 3rd, 2014 by Thomas Josef Wehlim

Spam

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May 31st, 2014 by Thomas Josef Wehlim

Zopiclone

It is a tool. It saves your soul. Once upon a time, you feared the night more than the plague, and much more the day after. Now the devil, brother of God, gave you that box: C17H17ClN6O3 7,5 mg. It is your holy treasure. You will curse everybody who takes it away from you.

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May 29th, 2014 by Thomas Josef Wehlim

Literature report

The current literature situation induces inner restlessness, headache and migraine attacks. Health may be affected by poetry-caused rheumatic complaints, infections and diarrhea. However, sleep is deep and concentration on a high level. In the morning, before reading the first book passage, you feel strong and fresh. In the evening, flying poems may induce serious allergic […]

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May 28th, 2014 by Thomas Josef Wehlim

Glioblastoma

I herewith announce that my new novel is terminally ill from cancer. Literary critics diagnosed an inoperable glioblastoma that will lead to complete destruction of all chapters within a few months. The only procedure remaining is spell checking combined with palliative medications. So, finally, I fought years for nothing.

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May 27th, 2014 by Thomas Josef Wehlim

B-52

I recently have sent a letter to all American and British literary agencies asking on which topic I should write my first English novel. I argued that – because nobody publishes my German novels – it makes more sense to write in English as I prefer not to be read by 500 million people than […]

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May 25th, 2014 by Thomas Josef Wehlim

Honorary salary

Thomas Wehlim, chief of LSA (Literature Security Agency) stated that Putin is already starting to destabilize the Baltic states. Two weeks ago the Russian president canceled an agreement on literature data exchange with Latvia. Furthermore, he signed a decree providing a generous honorary salary from the Kremlin Treasury for all Russian-born novel veterans in the Baltic […]

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May 23rd, 2014 by Thomas Josef Wehlim

Natural literature

After having negotiated the topic for 120 years without any results, China and Russia now finally agreed to a major 1000-year natural literature deal on Wednesday that would send novels, poems and theatre plays from Siberia by pipeline to China, according to the China National Writing Corporation. The contract was solemnly signed by the presence […]

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May 22nd, 2014 by Thomas Josef Wehlim

Legende von Schatten, Lima

The library of the Goethe Institut has confirmed that it received a copy of my novel Legende von Schatten. Address: Goethe-Institut Lima, Jirón Nazca 722, Jesús Maria, Lima 11, Peru, Tel: + 51 1 4333180 / Fax: + 51 1 4310494 info@lima.goethe.org

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May 20th, 2014 by Thomas Josef Wehlim